for noelle, my dear friend; i hope you know how sorry i am.
also, i’m glad you’re over her.
please read this in your perspective because i am definitely not in love with you.
There are only a few things we cherish in life: time, tea, Mcdonald’s. Love.
Some are heard to find; others always at our fingertips. For instance, the tick tick tock of the clock reminds me to submit my requirements before I run out of time. Another, the delivery man already knows my address by heart, my number by heart, because Mcdonald’s’ hotline is ingrained in my mind and they come at my will.
Love, however, is a more complicated matter. I’ve found it, yes, in the sweetest of smiles and the most beautiful of voices. It lies within the crevices of her eyes when they squint and in the bumps and dips of her body when she dances. It’s amazing, this love; how I can hold it in the palms of my hands–so delicate, so fragile–, how it’s bigger than my being–so strong, so safe. I’ve found it, you know? But at the same time, I haven’t.
Hide and Seek she plays with me and I always hate being “it”. Although my hatred for that particular position doesn’t change how things are. It’s unfair (so fucking unfair), the way she hides from me, counting on me to pull her out of her self-induced black hole. Life has always been unfair, however, and always will be. And so why try to change my course when my only choice is to go after her? I want to go after her.
People… people are harsh. They think that this won’t work out in the end; they say I’m just going to get hurt; they say “get over it”. But how can I get over the one person who makes me feel alive–hell, who keeps me alive? They might as well be telling me to die.
I don’t care whether love is complicated, or whether she wants to play Hide and Seek for all eternity. Nor do I care what people say to me, no matter how desperate they are to keep me from the pain that I already know will ensue.
Fuck the whole universe; I love her. And nobody can do shit about it.